Last night I dreamed an infomercial. Over and over again, no matter what else was going on in my dream, I kept coming back to this infomercial. Actually, it was more of a celebrity interview, but there was an underlying psychology being peddled to viewers:

Tome Cruise, the spokesperson, sat at a long table brimming with boiled cabbage, legumes, lettuce—a bevy of healthy, low calorie items. When the camera panned in for a close-up, Tom began fervently cutting into the boiled cabbage with a knife and fork. “Mmm,” he said, widening his eyes with gusto, “this pork roast looks fantastic!” And taking a big bite, he moaned with delight.
Next, he speared a carrot stick and chomped into it, rolling his eyes toward the heavens.
“You see,” he explained, stretching his arms wide around the table, “I am a pretendetarian. I can eat the foods I love–fries, ice cream, pasta–and still maintain a sleek physique, just by pretending that my boiled beets are really beef wellington; my carrot sticks are greasy fries; and cabbage wedges are potato chips.”
Then, Tom Cruise wrapped his fist around a huge bowl of sprouts and drove them into his mouth with a grin. He chewed with euphoria, and I imagined the rich sinful taste of spaghetti carbonara instead of those thin, wispy seedlings.

Okay, so it was a very strange dream, but when I woke up I couldn’t stop thinking of Pretendetarianism. I’ve heard the term before, but it usually refers to people who say they’re vegetarians but actually aren’t (do they scarf burgers in the closet, or what?). But this type of Pretendetarian is more motivated by a fantasy, mind-over-matter, or “emperor’s new clothes” style of culinary indulgence.

Could be a great diet. I’ll give it a try and let you know.

Okay, that’s a lie. I don’t have a band. But I’m reinstating my blog, after a lengthy hiatus.

I’m going to ease in gently with a top five.

1. The upside down question mark. ¿Por qué no utilizamos nosotros en inglés?
2. HAUSU. Possibly one of the wackiest most creatively absurd films I’ve ever seen. Loved it.
3. Tomfoolery. A word I don’t use nearly often enough.
4. Our awesome new SodaStream. One of the best “green” decisions I’ve ever made, and super fun to use when it makes the whiny fizzing noise!
5. Renewed appreciation for the things I take for granted. After living in rural South Africa for a year, and having read stories of the tragedy in Haiti, I remind myself to be grateful for the little things. When I want to take a shower, WATER comes out of the pipes–a luxury we did not often come upon in South Africa. We went as long as 6 days with no water, and it was tough on us, both mentally and physically. Electricity, too. That was another big one we went without on countless occasions. Needless to say, Andy and I got very good at UNO while living abroad. I don’t want to get sappy, but I do feel grateful for everything that I have. When we got back from South Africa to find out that our storage unit had been flooded and we’d lost nearly 1/2 of our possessions we realized it wasn’t so bad. We have our health, we have each other, we have half of our Ikea sofa, and a few other randoms that I probably feel much more appreciative of than I did before. Well, except the Kitchen Aid Mixer. I still don’t know what the hell I’m gong to do with that.

Hey! I’ve set up a travel blog at http://africa.potatoriot.com/.

So far we’re having an amazing time.

xoxo

We went to a music festival in London this past weekend called Field Day.

It rained the whole time and it was pretty dizzamn cold, but we had dorky rain ponchos so we stuck it out because we were having a BLAST! I’ve never been to a festical in the UK before, so it felt very apropriate to be stuck in the pouring rain with thousands of like minded people.

I saw Laura Marling (again. I’m becoming obsessed!). Once again, a great show.

Also Noah and The Whale, who are quickly gaining popularity since I saw them briefly at SXSW.

Lightspeed Champion; Howling Bells; Jeff Lewis, Efterklang, The Mae Shi (wicked)…

Of Montreal, who aren’t my favorite band but they’re always doing crazy stuff up on stage, like bizarre cultish rituals, or staged fights between a mime and a guy in a donkey mask….

Les Savy Fav. Again, not one of my favorite bands musically, but the lead singer is crazy to watch. He strips, throws shoes at the audience, throws beer cans, tells jokes, spews water into the air, borrows hats from people in the crowd, etc. Quite a spectacle.

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A crazy UK band called Filthy Dukes. When they first started to play I felt like my dad, thinking “What the heck is this racket?” But it quickly grew on me and I was jumping around and having a blast. It’s electro/techno/indie with hip-hop thrown in courtesy of Master Shortie (who is adorable, BTW), and well worth a listen (IMO).

We stuck it out from 12pm until 9pm, but left just before Foals. I am sure I’ve heard of them, but I don’t actually know their music, and we were just too tired after having stood up in the rain alllll day long!!! And the bathroom lines were almost ONE HOUR long, so that was a pretty good argument to leave early.

All in all, it was a great day. I love it in London. If only it weren’t so expensive!!!

Moving to Africa in 3 days. THREE DAYS!!! (okay, more like 3 weeks, because we’re visiting Andy’s family in the UK first) Which reminds me:

CONGRATULATIONS TO ANDY FOR FINISHING HIS PHD!!!

This calls for a Top Five Things I’m Going To Miss…

1. My friends. I have amazing friends. I was going to list them all, but I’m sure I’d accidentally forget someone, and they’d find out, and then they’d get mad, and that sounds too complicated. But if you know me, know this: you’re an awesome friend!

2. Thai food. I’m not going to find any of that in the Eastern Cape… buh-bye Pad See Ew.

3. Independent films. I recently saw The Fall, and I loooove this movie! It was shot in something like 18 countries, and the visuals are absolutely stunning. Not to mention the story is captivating, the little girl (Catinka, I love that name!) is ADORABLE, and the lead actor is pretty hot as well. If this movie rolls into your local art house cinema, check it out! Or put it on your Queue.

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4. The Soup. I have a deep and profound love for Joel McHale… and I’m really gonna miss his beyond-hilarious show. He watches every ridiculous reality show and then shows clips. It’s like TV Cliffs Notes, and I don’t know what I’m going to do without it!

5. I was torn between 2 things for my #5 spot. Frozen grapes, and high speed internet. Both are amazing. Both are things I will probably not have in Mt. Frere…. Sigh.

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Now you tell me: What would you miss the most?

The Ped Egg. The TV ads make me want to puke, and yet I can’t change the channel! People on infomercials look so happy. More Stepford than happy, but still, it’s hilarious. Does anyone have one of these? If so, I want to hear about it. Warning: Do NOT watch the Ped Egg infomercial while eating. Seriously.

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Also, Andy and I were flipping through the Village Voice, trying to find something fun to do for 4th of July, and we came across an ad for TruBlood. HUH? What? Have you heard about this stuff? I don’t think it’s real though. Apparently there’s a new HBO show called True Blood, and I guess this is their promo/gimmick thing. The website’s kind of funny. They describe blood types like wine, and you can take a quick quiz to find out what blood type would be to your liking. Good times for Vampire lovers.

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And speaking of 4th of July, how was yours?

Here’s what happened to us, because we had the most ridiculous day ever. EVER!

*We decided to go to Staten Island to see the Staten Island Yankees (possibly the worst farm team ever). It’s very out of the way, and it was a bit rainy, so we hemmed-and-hawed about whether or not to go, but finally decided we really wanted to see a baseball game.

*We took the subway down to the ferry.

*Then we took the ferry across the Harbor to Staten Island.

*Then we walked up to the stadium… and the game was sold out! Nooooo!!!

*So we walked back to the ferry… and there were no more ferries back to Manhattan for 3 hours! Nooooo!!!

*We roamed the streets of Staten Island looking for a place to have dinner for an hour! Finally we got a table at a decent looking dive bar, which was fine until a couple of guys came in and started a brawl with the wait staff of the restaurant! It was crazy. They had to take it outside and were throwing punches for like 5 minutes. Finally the cops came to break it up.

Never a dull moment!

We made it back to Manhattan around 11 and went to a friends party to play Master Ball—don’t ask.

I got caught in the hugest rainstorm yesterday! At first I tried to hide under an awning, but my dress wasn’t see through, and the air was pretty warm, so I decided to enjoy myself and get completely soaked through. It was fun… but I definitely got some crazy looks.

Last week I went to see Laura Marling. She is a tiny 18 year old singer/songwriter from London. I saw her play at SXSW, and when I heard that she’d be playing at Mercury Lounge I bought tickets (only $12—she’s not that famous yet). If you like female singer songwriters I really recommend you check her out. She has a teensy bit of stage fright and doesn’t really emote (CGCL called her “dead inside”) but she has a hauntingly powerful voice, and beautiful songs. She has quirky cute music videos too:

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I had an AMAZING birthday, by the way.

I got these pretty earrings from my brilliant, adorable, thoughtful husband. They’re lockets! I haven’t put any pictures in them yet, but I think it’s a really cute idea and will probably put in little pics of my cats, my hubs, and my family. They make my neck look long and delicate too, which is a plus.

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Also, my sister gave me this trendy/fantastic eco Kooba bag in green. I have barely taken it off my shoulder since my birthday! It has tons of pockets and zippers so I’ll never lose anything again. I’m ecstatic.

Aaaand, you’ll be happy to hear that I DID get an ice cream cake (cookies & cream, and black cherry fro yo), so my day was complete.

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One last note: a couple of people have asked if I’m going to keep writing while living in S. Africa.
ABSO-FRIGGIN’-LUTELY!!!
I will definitely try to keep up the blog and post crazy pictures of my new South African life. But I will also keep writing YA fiction. My 2nd book is finished—I haven’t sold it yet, and who knows if I ever will, but I think my writing style has improved since Back Talk.

The new book is a ‘fish out of water’ story about snarky 16 year old indie rocker, Sophia. The summer before her junior year, Sophia is forced to leave her fabulous life of thrift store shopping, playing guitar, and gallivanting with her awesome friends in New York City. Why? Because her braniac mom gets a new job in Little Rock, Arkansas—oh no! Visions of rednecks and fried chicken flood her brain as her fabulous life falls to pieces. Sophia is a wickedly funny character, and the book is her chance to deal (and vent) when it seems as though her life is over.

I know I totally don’t post anymore, but I’ve been busy, and when we move to South Africa, I probably won’t post much, but can I just tell you about all the awesome things I’ve been up to lately?

I got to see M.I.A. at McCaren Pool in Brooklyn. First of all, seeing a concert in an empty swimming pool is kind of amazing. The show rocked. M.I.A. and her little posse were dancing and running all over the place, and they even invited all the ladies in the audience to jump up on stage and dance with her! (I didn’t go up, I was kinda far back, but still, it was super cool).

What else, what else. Andy and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary!

I can’t believe I have been married for a whole year. I feel like such a grown up! We had a lovely date at a restaurant downtown called Blue Hill. They use all fresh, local ingredients, which I love! I’m not a huge soup person but we had a cold asparagus soup that tasted freakin’ fabulous. Yum.

The week earlier CountryGirl & I went to see The Raconteurs.

I was blown away! Honeslty, I don’t really listen to them and I was sort of predisposed to think they were too “alt country” for me, but they’re much more versatile. They have some really beautiful ballads, and some Led Zeppelin-ish sounds—and they’re hot. Very hot.

My birthday is on Tuesday (happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Alex, happy birthday to me!) and we’re going to go to Vong, one of those fancy Jean Georges restaurants. It’s supposed to be delish. I don’t really want anything for my birthday, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that one of my nearest-and-dearest buys me an ice cream cake. I live for ice cream cake. It’s true.

And, spotted on the lower east side:

Jenny Humphrey! She was looking coy and sending text messages. I can’t wait for season 2 of Gossip Girl. CountryGirlCityLife: I expect weekly synopses to help keep me clued in while I’m living in my little South African village!

Last on my agenda: pop music. I think it’s the hot summer nights that’s bringing the cheesy pop diva out of me. All I wanna do is Make Love In This Club, In This Club, In This Club, In This Club. Thank you Usher for making me totally obsessed with your ridiculous, annoying song. I’m also digging on both Ashanti & Mariah Carey’s new singles. They make me happy, and that’s all a girl can ask for, right?

I’ve really been letting the blog slide lately, but for good reason. I’ve been busy packing up my apartment (I hate packing!) and putting everything into storage because… drum roll please…

Andy and I are moving to South Africa!

We’re leaving in about a month or two. I can hardly believe it! For 1 year we are going to volunteer with an organization called ASAP — African Solutions to African Problems—living in the middle of nowhere on the Eastern Cape, helping establish community centers for nutrition/education/family support. We are beyond excited. Scared, yes, but excited too. I was afraid to mention it until it seemed pretty solid… but I think it does, so I wanted to share my news! If anyone has spent any time there, please share your advice.

What does everyone else have planned for the summer? I will do my best to keep up with blogs, but it’ll be hard! Andy and I will definitely set up some kind of travel blog for anyone who wants to keep up with our wild life in Mt. Frere, South Africa!

My friend and I were just talking about that movie, The Hurricane, staring Denzel Washington. It’s a mesmerizing biopic of the life of Rubin Carter, a boxer wrongly imprisoned for murder. The title song, Hurricane, was written as a political protest song by Bob Dylan in 1976. Actually, I recommend the whole album, if you like Bob Dylan. It’s an incredible movie, and one that really makes you want to “get up and do something”—know what I mean?

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And then a few days ago I Netflixed Gia—loved it. I’m sure all you fashion-savvy bloggers out there have already seen it, but I hadn’t, and it was crazy good. Angelina Jolie was still relatively unknown when the movie was made, and she did a good job as the wild, heroin-addicted, lesbian supermodel. I mean, what actor wouldn’t want to get their hands on a role like that?!

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Biopic’s aren’t always successful. I can think of a few right now, but I’m gonna bring up Jennifer Love Hewitt as our beloved Audrey Hepburn in The Audrey Hepburn Story. Uh… it just didn’t do it for me. Maybe since it was made-for-tv they couldn’t put enough money into making it good?—but Gia was made-for-tv, right? In any case, sorry Ghost Whisperer, but I don’t think you did justice to the epitome of Hollywood royalty.

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…What am I getting at? Ah, yes:

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Who would you like to see a biopic made of?

Living or dead. Male or female. Nice/generous, or a total asshole. You choose!
And for bonus points: who would you cast in this brilliantly spellbinding flick?

I’m already having a hard time coming up with someone, but a few of my contenders:
Cindy Sherman
Debbie Harry
Gene Tierney