Ice Cream Headache

Have any of you ever done those Crest whitening strips? I’m doing the twice-a-day-for-seven-days kind, in hopes of having a blindingly white n’ beautiful smile for the wedding. teeth

(However, if I ever end up looking like one of these super-smiley ass-hats, somebody please shoot me. Having white teeth shouldn’t look the same as an orgasm.)

But back to the strips—DIZZAMN. I’ve only been doing them for 4 days, and my teeth are fricken throbbing with pain! I feel like I just ate three candybars and gargled with 5 cans of coke, and then sunk my teeth into an ice cream cone. throb. throb. ache. ouch.

Okay, so it’s not quite that bad, but it’s partially true. pain Why do we go through all this to be beautiful? I’m such a sucker for the whole “no pain no gain” thing. Actually, now that I think about it, that’s like, my life’s motto. I bleach the teeth, I wax, I go to the stupid gym 24/7. It’s a nightmare. But you’ve got to admit it feels pretty good when all the pain pays off and someone tells you how great you look. That’s kind of amazing.

So, today’s question, should you choose to answer it:

What lengths have you gone to for beauty?

Plastic surgery is an obvious answer, but I think we’re all too poor to afford that, am I right? Besides, plastic surgery scares the crap out of me. I mean, there’s “no pain no gain” and then there’s “holy f*cken shit, are you CRAZY?!” I think I fall somewhere in between.


rome And in other random news, did anyone read this story in the New York Times today? Apparently there is cocaine floating around in the air in Rome. Uh, excuse me? WHAT?!?! Cocaine in the AIR?
Alls I’m sayin’ is, if you go to Rome this summer and find yourself with a LOT more energy than usual, there *might* be an illegally charged explanation. They say it’s only trace amounts—like .1 nanograms (whatever the F a nanogram actually is)—but still, I find that hilarious. And apparently it’s mostly in the La Sapienza University vicinity. Hmmm… I wonder why that is… lol.

About alexgirl

I'm a YA novelist livin' in fabulous Brooklyn with my husband and our two kitties. I love film making, photography, music, chocolate, sushi, friends, cardio, TV, and a bunch of other crap I can't think of. One published novel, Back Talk, available at Amazon. (and another one in progress!)
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32 Responses to Ice Cream Headache

  1. emma says:

    I am reading this with a Crest Whitestrip on. No lie.
    Freaky-deaky, as some nerd somewhere (me) would say.
    And I used to LIVE in Rome for four years. Was I inhaling cocaine the whole time? Good Lord. All those anti-drug assemblies I’ve been forced to attend, down the tubes.

  2. emma says:

    Oh, and right now my legs are throbbing because I went to the gym for two hours yesterday. So I, too, suffer for beauty. Not that I’m beautiful, but I do these things in hopes of becoming so.

  3. jayne says:

    ouch, ill stick to the whitening toothpaste! farthest i’ve gone? laser hair removal for the upperlip, it feels like a rubberband snap and gets red and swollen for a couple days, and you need like six torture sessions, sorry i mean laser hair removal seasons, haha. but it’s not plastic surgery! which a- i don’t think i need
    b- i don’t want to look like an alien, then it’s just painfully (pun intended! 😉 obvious, you almost look older!

    but i did have a friend who got a nose job @ 16, she did kinda need it though…(wow, i’m a great friend haha), her nose was beakish, now it’s fairly normal, still i’m def not going there! besides did anyone read that fascinating article in ELLE a few months ago? or was it vogue? idk anymore, i read to many…but she was addicted to plastic surgery, so much that she missed a funeral to get her restolyn or w/e it is called…she wrote a book! it deterred me for life!

    hmmm well we’ll know the truth about rome if kate moss and pete suddenly move there!

  4. Celise says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever done anything for beauty. When I got married last year, for a nanosecond, I thought about getting a Brazilian wax. And then I came to senses. I have a very low tolerance for pain. So I just got a facial and lip wax instead. LOL

    MY NEWLY REVAMPED AUTHOR WEBSITE HAS BE UNVEILED TODAY AND I’M GIVING AWAY TONS OF PRIZES IN ITS HONOR. JUST CLICK ON MY NAME AND YOU’LL GET ALL THE DETAILS.

  5. That explains my sudden desire to go to Rome!!

    I’ve done the whitestrips too and I gotta tell ya, my teeth were vibrating!! Kudos to you for the beautification process! You’ll be as lovely as you already are!!

  6. Alexa says:

    Ugh. I hate working out. That may explain my fat ass. Lmao.

    I’ve always wanted to go to Rome…but not for that reason.

  7. Laser hair removal is the worst thing I’ve done! The results are fantastic, but the pain if terrible! At the end I think it was worth it. Ah! And I go to the gym 3 days a week and work out a lot, but as I do that for a long time, now I feel good about it.

  8. Ya know ,my lengths for beauty are just the usual,obsessive gym devotion(though in the summer it is also essential to go for my littlest having playtime with other kids(thats sorta selfless,right?)),bikini wax,and teeth whitening.If you have the inclination,I highly recomend going the custom teeth tray whitening route from the dentist. I re-bleach about every 6 months or so,and I get the added random bonus of waking up in the morning throughout the year and my teeth are arbitrarily whiter! this might be my imagination,but,sure enough I can not have bleached for 3 months and my teeth seem to look whiter, I don’t know how,but I swear it happens!I’m also a moisturizer and sunblock devotee.

  9. Dilemma says:

    Crest whitestips are THE DEVIL. They supposedly corode the enamel on your teeth, hence the pain. Beware of the whitestrips!!!
    The lengths I’ve gone to for beauty? Eyebrow waxing. Enough said. I know that technically that’s not really bad, but I have abnormally sensitive eyebrows.

  10. Maya says:

    I wear shoes that are too small or just too painful all the time. Does that count?
    I work out as well and that hurts the next day, jeez. Also plucking my eyebrows. Once I veeted inbetween my eyebrows thing that I was being really crafty and cutting corners. When I took it off after 3 minutes like you’re meant to inbetween by eyebrows was all swollen and red. Then I read the tube (yeah, I kind of forgot to do that before, whoops) and it said not to be used on face.
    I panicked called my best friend and wailed at her down the phone. She told me to put ice on it was all gone.

  11. Maya says:

    sorry, I meant after an hour it was all gone, I got confused

  12. ambika says:

    Ah, yes, waxing. I’m pretty sure I’ll be upping the ante to laser at the end of the summer.

    Are the white strips supposed to hurt? I think I had a little sensitivity but no real pain. That’s gotta suck.

  13. sophie says:

    i think the worst thing i have ever done was probably wearing too high shoes for too long. because after so long, you just have to take them off.

  14. Jody says:

    my hips and knees are killing me right now from running in central park yesterday. I sweated enough buckets to drown several small children, it can’t possibly be healthy. I say I would never get plastic surgery but that is probably because I can’t afford it. you can never be thin enough and your teeth can never be white enough. dammit.

  15. jessica says:

    well, i guess all i’ve done is bikine waxing, random fits of working out and since i have hideoulsly wide feet, i suffer blisters and bruises on my feet to wear heels. sexy. but really, i just had to give you a shout out for saying ass-hat. not sure ive heard it before, but i will be saying it from here on out!

  16. jessica says:

    p.s all your story about the white strips did was make me want to do them… because if it’s painful, it has to work right?? uggh i’m sick.

  17. Dilemma says:

    I don’t know if I’ve already said it elsewhere[I probably have. My long term memory is nonexsistant these days], congrats on getting married! Go check my post, I made some adjustments. Ok, it’s kind of corny and mostly about the Flavor of Love, but you are in there between all the rambling.

    Also, I just watched ‘The Curse of Jane Harris’ on your potato riot website[which I can’t believe I didn’t know about until 5 minutes ago] and seriously. You should put a warning label on that puppy! I’m afraid to turn around now. I’ve watched people’s heads get ripped off, sat through the tree rape scene in the Evil Dead, etc and so forth…but watching the woman walk through the dark all zombie-like makes me want to cry a little out of fright, and I’m not sure why.

  18. I’ve done the whole obsessive diet pill thing to lose weight, I was like Jessie Spano in Saved by the Bell…though it started to make my hair fall out, so I was thin….but losing my hair, which sucked obviously….

    so I stopped with the pills.

  19. WAT says:

    Whitening stuff fer yer choppers does make them more sensitive I have heard, so be careful.

    What have I done for my beauty you ask? Hmmm…dyed my hair I suppose. Was getting a lot greyer than normal for my young age. Other than that I think I’m doing pretty good. My choppers ain’t so white, but whatever. They still look fine and no one has complained or avoided sticking their tongue in my mouth.

    O.k. TMI I know…

  20. pins&needles says:

    The only lenths I’ve gone for beauty is heels and hardcore exercising. But I don’t do the hardcore exercising as much as I used to. I know those pointy-toed heels are going to warp up my feet until I get old. By then my feet are permanently made for those heels. I feel like a Barbie sometimes, but they look great. I don’t whiten my teeth that much because if you do it too often then you can permanently damage the enamel on your teeth. Then your teeth will forever feel like chalk.

    Now that I have you good and scared, I did read that story about Rome’s air. Crazy, but no surprise. Maybe cocaine is one of the cheapest drugs that college kids can afford over there.

  21. Am I the first guy to weigh in on this subject? Cool. Let’s see. Pain for beauty . . .

    The only way to get rid of the stubborn, grey nostril hairs is a painful tweak with the tweezers.

    I scrape my face with up to four sharp slivers of steel several times a week.

    I used to button the top button of my shirt and choke myself with a necktie. But I have very sensitive skin on my throat. I can’t even wear mock turtlenecks.

    Oh! since health = beauty, I try to get a lot of anti-oxidants! Red wine, dark chocolate, coffee! (I always brush carefully with Tom’s Peppermint Floride **yum** so my teeth don’t get stained) Consuming these things isn’t actually painful, but eating that rib-eye or fillet with the bottle of Bordeaux gives a sort of psychic pain in sympathy with the poor steer! 🙁

    And I suffered the horrors of transatlantic travel so that I could have the English Treatment: Cask-conditioned ale, horrible restaurant service, black tea, and clotted cream. omfg. If you’re ever afraid of wasting away into a skin and bones, too much Roman air sniffing twig, you gotta try this! You’re guaranteed to put on a few pounds. If you don’t love the local ales, just slather some extra clotted cream on your scones! Of course walking around those ancient stone cirlces has added physical and spiriual benefits. And if you like to suffer, wear heels. But I should warn you girls that some of the sacred sites will make you more fertile, so watch out, because though pregnancy is beautiful (no irony here, I really do think that–despite their tendency to complain–pregnant women are gorgeous) I’m told that it can result in pain far more intense than all those waxings and whitenings!

  22. Mrs Fashion says:

    I lasted 2 days with whitestrips. Every time I even breathed in my teeth would ache and, yes, they throbbed like crazy. So painful, it was like they were an open wound, or it was biting on a blackboard. I gave up and resorted to brushing extra diligently, but I still lust after pearly whites…
    Mrs F x

  23. Alexa says:

    I’m happy things are done with Carlos. In fact, I’m already moving on…well, I shouldn’t say that. The stage I’m in is…highly…volatile? I dunno, but if I don’t play it safe, I could get hurt. 🙁

    Haha darlin’, softball only counts if your coach makes you run. Coach Daddy-o? Hahahahaha yeah right. I’m totally out of breath when I come off the bases, it’s sad.

    Yeah, I only saw the remake with that cute little brunette. It was all right, but like I said, I always make fun of scary movies until the point where they’re not scary, just stupid.

  24. The city is getting all it’s rain out now so you can have a gorgeously sunny (and hopefully not too hot) wedding. Congrats again!!! You are going to have a great time.

  25. Alex….I nominated you for the thinking bloggers award on my blog….It was the post about the Hansens that did it!!

  26. Dona says:

    Hmm. the most I do is wearing heels everyday (my foot doctor HATES me). I’ll be hobbling when I’m 30, but I dont care. I hate being short!

    I also scrub my face with an exfoliator several times a week and flatiron my hair. All bad things for the body, but don’t they just look great?

  27. alex says:

    those happy-freaky-smiley-fluorescent-teeth-toting-people always freaked me out.

    cocaine, in rome? in the air?! available to be inhaled by all the sunburned tourists?!?!?! heh heh heh…

  28. Crazy Eddie says:

    Okay, let’s see…

    I’ve plucked my eyebrows (in a manly sorta way of course… I would never leave my brows with an arch like Nicole Kidman).

    I do at least 60 push-ups a day (three sets of 20… but it doesn’t mean I can’t do it all at once you know… lol).

    And last but not least, I trim everything. There is no reason why a guy should have a bushy ass and pube area. That’s left for the 1970’s porn flicks.

    Besos

  29. Just jumping in to wish you wonderful wedding bell wishes!!!!

  30. shari says:

    Didn’t your book come out?? I have been so busy lately –but I will go get it IMMEDIATELY. 🙂

  31. shari says:

    !@#$%
    Why was I thinking it came out??? Aight … July 1st. I’m there.

  32. seb says:

    I can’t wait to go to Rome.

    Hmmm, as for beauty. I dunno, I get haircuts every once in a while at Great Clips. That’s gotta count for something.

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