I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but…

Okay, this is really embarrassing, but last night I was at Duane Reade buying stuff (you know how you go in there for, like, 1 tube of toothpaste and you come out an hour later with like, $20 worth of crap? Well, that’s what happens to me) and MmmmBop came on the in-store-PA. I haven’t heard that song in f*cking ages, and I’m loath to admit it, but it actually made me smile. How embarrassing is that?! I was wandering down the greeting card isle actually giddy with excitement thinking about that retarded tween-pop disaster created by Hanson. hanson I always felt bad for the oldest one (Isaac?) because he was so freaking unattractive. He kind of looked like a monkey. (I seem to always be equating people to animals, don’t I?). I never thought any of them were all that HOTTT, but now they’re all married! Can you believe that? I mean, how is that possible? The youngest one is only, like, 13! Okay, maybe he was only 13 when MmmmBop came out. He must be 20 by now (yikes). But still, they’re all under 25 and married—and the middle one has 3 kids already. Whoa. Don’t waste any time, or anything.

Hmmm… looking back on this post so far, you may be wondering how I know so much about Hansuck. I don’t—I swear. I referred to the RandomKnowledgeGods known as wikipedia for my fountain of useless factiods. (Like this one: Apparently May 6th is “Hanson Day” in Tulsa, Oklahoma and the world over. I find that hard to believe, but if wikipedia says it, it must be true.)


Oh, and if there are any John Stewart fans out there (and I hope there are, because I think he’s a freaking genius, even though I don’t get cable and can’t watch the Daily Show very often), you totally have to read this book he wrote a few years ago, Naked Pictures of Famous People. It’s full of these hilarious short stories/essays, but there is one called “A Very Hanson Christmas” written in newsletter form from their mother’s perspective, and I’m telling you, you will pee your pants with laughter. It’s buh-rilliant.

I wonder if they ever did an SNL skit about Hanson. I would definitely have cast Amy Poehler as the middle, “feminine” Hanson. Maybe David Spade as the youngest one, and Will Farrell as the awkward, less-attractive Hanson (he can pull off anything). I know I’m picking from different seasons, but it’s more fun that way.

hansonAnyway, I guess Hansuck grew up and now have a couple more albums, but in my mind they will always be the creative masterminds behind MmmmBop. I wonder if they completely resent that song. Maybe, but they probably get to wipe their tears with hundred dollar bills. Ah, to be famous. But come on, next time that song’s on the radio tell me HONESTLY that a tiny little smile doesn’t begin to dance upon your lips.

One more thing: pretend you HAD to marry one of them, which one would you choose? Purely for entertainment value. I know I asked the question, but I almost don’t think I can answer it. I mean, as I said earlier, the oldest one is kind of ugly (though he looks frigging hottt in this picture!), the middle kid (Taylor?) always looked like a girl, and the youngest one… well, in my mind he’ll always be a little boy and that’s just wrong.

About alexgirl

I'm a YA novelist livin' in fabulous Brooklyn with my husband and our two kitties. I love film making, photography, music, chocolate, sushi, friends, cardio, TV, and a bunch of other crap I can't think of. One published novel, Back Talk, available at Amazon. (and another one in progress!)
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37 Responses to I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but…

  1. rollergirl says:

    Aw I LOVE Mmmbop! I’m gonna look it up on youtube right now!

  2. emma says:

    Ah, Hanson. I believe my friends and I once performed MMMBop at a talent show.
    I wish it hadn’t happened, but I cannot tell a lie. Sorry for leaving like five stalkery comments, but the blog wasn’t accepting them and I just HAD to leave you some of my random ramblings!
    Yay, I can comment again! *dance, dance*

  3. !!!!! says:

    so, i used to go this really shitty college in atlanta and hanson always stopped by to sing songs and tell us to “support independent music.”

    that really made my brain hurt. then i transferred out of that school in order to avoid their boyish looks.

    (i’ve added you, blog queen)

  4. alex says:

    hmmmm i think i would have to go with middle guy. i have no idea what his name is. but little kid looks like hes… 7. and old dude looks like hes…old. lol?

  5. Ah, Hanson, how long has that been! I haven’t heard of them in ages!
    I’m going to check out that John Stewart’s book!

  6. WAT says:


    Well, the one that was purty oogly back in the Mmmbop days is now to me the most handsome! Go figure!

  7. seb says:

    Jon Stewart is the bestest! That guy is sooo funny, very witty, and he’s great with the facial expressions and all that, haha, makes me laugh just to think about… Too bad you don’t have cable, well, there’s always youtube, can probably find his stuff on there, if there is time to spare ya know… hadn’t heard of that book, I will try and check that out…

    I refuse to think about Hanson.

  8. jayne says:

    woah! isaac is HOT now! amazing, he really grew up, thank god! i’d marry him, but honestly, i was never into hanson…and i have no idea what Duane Reade is haha

  9. Alexa says:

    Even though he looks like a girl, I still have to stand by “I Have 3 Kids And I’m Only Twenty-Five*” Taylor. He was always my favorite.

    *I guess that’s how they do it in Tulsa, OK.

  10. Ellen SB says:

    I will read that book;) Hanson is kinda retro in a way….. hmm

  11. Alexa says:

    No wait, I change my mind. I choose “I Always Thought He Was A Hanson Brotha But Now I See How Terribly Wrong I Was” Jonathan Jackson. He was hot once, but now he’s let himself go.


  12. Alexa says:

    OMG, Sorry for stretching the page!!! 🙁

  13. f.m. says:

    it’s practically inevitable that child celebrities have to face their past geekyness in light of new found adulthood. i guess that’s why i will always find Mary Kate and Ashley a little too Full House to be fashion.

  14. I’d take the oldest one. Now, not then. I’m hard up though, so I’m easy. Tell your friends. 🙂

  15. Brittany says:

    from that last picture i would go for the oldest one. wow, that band came and went right?

  16. I would marry the old ugly one as a hot adult….I want nothing to do with the middle one if he has 3 children, yuck.

    and the little one would make me feel bad like a crazed teacher doing one of her students, so I would marry Monkey Man.

    have you noticed there is always a monkey man in every boy band, Danny Wood was the monkey man in New Kids on The Block

  17. Totally Monkey Man, he would worship the ground you walk on right? Never go for a pretty boy…

  18. Since we’re just picking off of looks,I’ll take the middle one. I hates to admit it,but I love me some girly-men!…and loves me some wickipedia!

  19. ambika says:

    Dude, that song was like torture. And given their uber-Christian background, didn’t they all get married at like 18? Little mmboppers are probably already in the making. Gr-uh-oss.

  20. sara says:

    I love John Stewart, and I really don’t remember that band, but If I had to marry one it would probably be . . .
    wow that’s tough, The oldest guy really grew into his look and the other two or way good looking too, so I’d prob go with Taylor

    x sara o

  21. sara says:

    No way I change my mid, I’d go with the oldest

  22. rollergirl says:

    These comments are cracking me up, esp the one that ‘stretched the page’!

  23. I wouldn’t marry any of them, though Alexa’s link to the picture reveals a very beautiful man–really not sure who it is . . . middle boy?–but I’m just not attracted to men enough to marry one. Wait, I forgot. We were talking about marriage!

    Could I just say which one I’d like to be? I’d like to be the pretty middle one because I am not very pretty.

  24. I guess my image code didn’t work. So see how I’m not as pretty as a Hanson:

  25. I’m having troubles. It’s really not worth it, but damnitall!!
    not pretty me

  26. pins&needles says:

    HHmmm… I’m basing my answer on what they look like now. The middle just eventually got uglier over time and the young one is just starting to look “grown up”. Although, I would have to say that the oldest one has been lookin’ good in that pic, so I would pick him. Lets not think about this anymore.

    Plus, don’t feel bad that you smile in response to pop songs. I’m sure that I’m like that with some songs that I don’t want to admit right now.

    Jon Stewart is freaking awesome. I’ve read a short story out of that book and it’s hilarious. Why don’t I have it? I dunno.

  27. jayne says:

    ok…we don’t have boots either, haha hey, it’s MN, this is why i do not plan on living here after college! but i do know what boots is, so i guess the best comparison of duane reed has to be walgreens or CVS or snyders? wow i sound so small town hick right now, can’t believe i actually live right in the city…minneapolis is very weird that way

  28. jayne says:

    haha! wow that is hilarious that you thought i was english! actually, i’m flattered, i love am an anglophile, so i suppose it reflects in my posts! but alex if i were english, wouldn’t i be spelling things colour, realise, etc. haha w/e, well now you know the ugly truth…i live in the US’s version of siberia, where we all call them hotdishes instead of casseroles, everyone empahasizes their “o’s” in speech, and josh hartnett is from here…haha, i’m so cool. 😉

  29. Celise says:

    I used to love that song, too! I bought the first album when it came out but didn’t buy anything after that. It’s nice to know they’re still making music. And if I had to marry one of them, it would be Taylor. I always loved his voice and considerd him to be the lead singer. But Isaac turned out to be pretty handsome.

  30. jayne says:

    pop! caramel is pronounced “carmel”, aunt is pronounced aunt, not ant. iraq is pronounced “irack” not “irock”, same with iran “iran” not “iron”….anything else, haha, do i seem like a i live in an igloo right now? you say soda right?

  31. molly says:

    hmmm…id probably go with the…middle one
    though im just choosing at random
    they kind of creep me out
    and they were big when i was like five and i thought they were girls
    so i cant imagine them as husbands

  32. ooh, I remember I had an obsession with how bad that song was about 2 years ago, I just sung it all throughout my art class and forced everyone to agree that it was just not good.
    If the order stayed the same in those two pictures then I have to say that the young one is pretty darn sexy

  33. sophie says:

    HANSON! how i hated them. i always thought that the middle one was a girl. and i agree, the oldest one was ugly. although now, with a severe hair cut and a little bit of facial hair, dare i say it, he isn’t half bad.

  34. I saw your little picture from a comment you left over at Boob Lady’s site. I thought, huh, that looks like Ariela, an ex-girlfriend of mine who moved away a few years ago.

    I went to your profile and looked at the large version of the pic, and I was shocked. You look EXACTLY like her. Down to the last detail. Even your expression. I mean, you could, like, totally kill her and take her place, and no one would even know. Like Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

    Anyway, that’s all. I just thought you might be interested to know that there is someone else walking around who looks exactly like you.

  35. Well I had an mmmmbop siting a few years ago (the one the looks like a girl! jk) the eldest, and I just about died. LOL!

  36. Crazy Eddie says:

    I’d go with neither of them. If they were three hot, hispanic boys, than maybe I would consider slapping their asses, but these kids creep me the hellz out.

    Love the post. You had me rollin’ when you admitted how guilty you felt when the song came on. Too much yo…

    Besos forever.

  37. should i just be honest.. I AM IN LOVE WITH HANSON!! i swear.. if i ever got a marriage offer from either hanson or shia labeouf, my poor husband would be divorced in a heartbeat… i feel bad saying that. anyways. i would take all 3. esp taylor. stud muffin. well their new music is quite delicious too. check out “georgia”, or “go”. not released yet but its probably on imeem.com…you might be surprised. i was.

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