The Poor Man’s ___.

I LOVE that expression. It just kicks ass. They should turn “Poor Man’s (blank)” into a drinking game or something because I get infinite amusement from cruel celebrity comparisons.

Personally, I think I’m the poor man’s Wonder Woman. No, I don’t have a Truth Lasso or solid gold cuff bracelets (damn, I wish I had those bracelets!), but I’ve got the whole blue eyes/brown hair thing going on—oh, and I wear an American flag strapless bathing suit. Hah! Totally kidding!

Anyway, what better way to pass the time on a Friday afternoon than to compile a scathing list of Poor Man comparisons? Add your favorites! Make me laugh!!

Jessica is the poor man’s Ashlee. My, how times have changed. Guess you shouldn’t have tried the high waisted jeans, eh Jess! You’re killing your image!! It’s a sad day when your little, cosmetically altered “shadow” is classier than you. Ouch.

Mandy Moore… well, Mandy Moore kind of already is the poor man’s Mandy Moore, so I’ll just give her a condescending thumbs-up and move along…

Ellen Pompeo is the poor man’s Renee Zellwegger (squinty eyed sisters unite!)

Zach Braff is the poor man’s Ray Romano (Okay, that one I saw online and I totally disagree. George Lopez is the poor man’s Ray Romano, and Ray Romano is the poor man’s Seinfeld, if you ask me.)

laurenLauren Conrad is the poor man’s Christine Taylor. Seriously, I can barely tell them apart. Except I imagine Christine Taylor is a lot freakin’ cooler since she’s married to Derek Zoolander and doesn’t have a sex tape. Probably.

Evan Rachel Wood is crazy the poor man’s Scarlett Johanssen.

K. Fed is the poor man’s Justin Timberlake. Now, that’s just sad for both of them.

kiedisPete Wentz is the poor man’s Anthony Keidis (or a Maybeline eye liner model, take your pick).

Those dippy Disney Channel boys, Dylan and Cole Sprouse, are the poor man’s Olsen Twins (only they’ve veered far far away from the emaciated, heroin chic look).

And finally, for my last Poor Man of the day… Fergalicious!

Fergie is the poor man’s crazy crack whore junkie.

About alexgirl

I'm a YA novelist livin' in fabulous Brooklyn with my husband and our two kitties. I love film making, photography, music, chocolate, sushi, friends, cardio, TV, and a bunch of other crap I can't think of. One published novel, Back Talk, available at Amazon. (and another one in progress!)
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21 Responses to The Poor Man’s ___.

  1. emma says:

    agree. AGREE, AGREE, AGREE.
    i love the poor man’s too… i always say that. well, i’m meaning to start.
    lauren conrad needs to cry in a hole.
    evan rachel wood…i think my feelings on her and Cracked-Out Howler Monkey (fergie) and Fedora Man (guess who?) and Mischa In Twenty Years. I think Mischa is actually the poor man’s Ellen Pomp.

    is it weird that i’m always the first to comment on your blog? because I wouldn’t want you to think i stalk your blog or anything (giggles high-pitchedly, eyes shift)

    Arrivederci (until my next random long sporadic comment)

  2. I agree. Fergie is just plain ol’ fuckin’ ugly. Seriously. These are perfect. Great job Alex!

  3. sophie says:

    aha. the fergie one made me laugh. i mean seriously, she’s like what, 25 and she’s had tons of botox and collagen? she makes herself look at least 50. i mean her eyebrows are permanently raised. well, either that, or it’s just the way they are shaped either or is just terrible.

  4. Meg says:

    oh dear, I was laughing so hard by the last one with Fergie’s picture that all the water in my mouth has been sprayed onto my laptop. I think it was def. worth it.

    Re: I thank you for the good luck! Did you see Mischa Barton’s high-waisted shorts? It was so sad.
    I sort of miss Amber Valletta.

  5. alex says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! fergie fergie… fugly!!!! she sings okay and all, but…. bleh! she looks like your average botox drag queen! complete with stupid and whore-like hair! woo!

    lol jessica and ashlee! (although i still cant get over my bitter hatred for ashlee, which i have since forgotten the reason for…)

  6. Alison says:

    bahah amazing list!! I’ve never heard that expression before( I have a very sheltered life) but now I have to work it in to every conversation at least once. Well that and ‘persnickety’.
    I’m pretty sure I spelt persnickety wrong but ooh well.
    awesome blog!

  7. Jody says:

    Yay! This post is full of awesome-isity. Orlando Bloom (ok I love him) but he is the poor man’s Johnny Depp.

  8. molly g. says:

    all all is sooo true!
    +molly g.+

  9. sara says:

    I don’t know about the Ashley and Jessica one because I don’t really like either but out of the 2 jessica is way better.

    Mandy Moore, I agree with it, idk she’s just not in the scene, and if you saw her in the March issue of Seventeen, she just looked so odd. (hard to explain)

    totally right about the squinty eyes thing
    and so so right abouth LC and CT, course ct is way way way better
    and lc is just annoying.
    Pete W. is cute but should stay away from the make up and hair dye.

    and for Fergie well she does give off that look, doesn’t she.

    x sara o

  10. So true! Great post!

  11. touche says:

    Pete Wentz IS the poor man’s Anthony Keidis!!!!!!
    Wow, you hit the nail on the head with that one.
    And I never noticed how identical Lauren Conrad and Christine Taylor are….

  12. Crazy Eddie says:

    Excellent list of comparisons my lickable Wonder Woman. Topping the list off with the fugliest of them all (Fergie) was just the icing on the battered cake… LMAO.

    One of your best posts so far. I’m creaming over here…


  13. molly says:

    man GENIUS!!!!

    every one was excellent.
    except i hate to hear pete wentz in the same sentence as anthony kiedis. but, still very dead-on

    “Sexy didn’t leave EVERYONE, sexy only left JUSTIN. And then he had to go around implying that he was bringing it back, when in reality, he was the only one that was missing it in the first place. But guess what JT: you didn’t bring it back! You’ve continued to plummet into Loserdom! ”


  14. WAT says:

    Funny post!

    Justin T. is the poor man’s Michael Jackson, before Michael went insane!

    Yes! Love the Zach, Ray, and George Lopez comparisons!


  15. Maya says:

    I love this poor mans stuff. fun stuff.
    Im so glad i’ve finally found your blog, you’ve been leaving me comments and i had no idea how to get back to your blog but i was looking at your profile and then i found it said my web page and i clicked it and here i am.
    I love your blog, i’m definately going to link you right away

  16. TheOldMole says:

    The Old Mole is the poor man’s Winnie the Pooh.

  17. Dona says:

    I love this! I agree with you about Fergie, BTW, she can’t be older than 30, but looks SO much older than that!

    I think Lindsey Lohan falls into that catagory too. She used to be *so* beautiful, but now is just so…ugh.

  18. Mandy Moore = Fly honey.

    Fergie = Creepy.

  19. Amal says:

    couldn’t agree more!

  20. Love these,especially,dear Pete,being the poor mans Anthony K. here goes mine,okay,warning, I tend to be a musical theatre nerdilicious type.
    Terrence Mann,is the poor mans Tim Curry.
    That Laura girl from Grease is the word /pickme reality show,is the poormans Sutton Foster
    Kristen Chenowith is the poormans Liza Minnelli (just wait till she does her wacky romance film with Hugh Grant,with annoying accademy award winning song by Michael Buble !).

  21. Dilemma says:

    LC HAS A SEX TAPE???????

    I just threw up in my mouth a little.

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