Okay, this is really embarrassing, but last night I was at Duane Reade buying stuff (you know how you go in there for, like, 1 tube of toothpaste and you come out an hour later with like, $20 worth of crap? Well, that’s what happens to me) and MmmmBop came on the in-store-PA. I haven’t heard that song in f*cking ages, and I’m loath to admit it, but it actually made me smile. How embarrassing is that?! I was wandering down the greeting card isle actually giddy with excitement thinking about that retarded tween-pop disaster created by Hanson. I always felt bad for the oldest one (Isaac?) because he was so freaking unattractive. He kind of looked like a monkey. (I seem to always be equating people to animals, don’t I?). I never thought any of them were all that HOTTT, but now they’re all married! Can you believe that? I mean, how is that possible? The youngest one is only, like, 13! Okay, maybe he was only 13 when MmmmBop came out. He must be 20 by now (yikes). But still, they’re all under 25 and married—and the middle one has 3 kids already. Whoa. Don’t waste any time, or anything.

Hmmm… looking back on this post so far, you may be wondering how I know so much about Hansuck. I don’t—I swear. I referred to the RandomKnowledgeGods known as wikipedia for my fountain of useless factiods. (Like this one: Apparently May 6th is “Hanson Day” in Tulsa, Oklahoma and the world over. I find that hard to believe, but if wikipedia says it, it must be true.)

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Oh, and if there are any John Stewart fans out there (and I hope there are, because I think he’s a freaking genius, even though I don’t get cable and can’t watch the Daily Show very often), you totally have to read this book he wrote a few years ago, Naked Pictures of Famous People. It’s full of these hilarious short stories/essays, but there is one called “A Very Hanson Christmas” written in newsletter form from their mother’s perspective, and I’m telling you, you will pee your pants with laughter. It’s buh-rilliant.

I wonder if they ever did an SNL skit about Hanson. I would definitely have cast Amy Poehler as the middle, “feminine” Hanson. Maybe David Spade as the youngest one, and Will Farrell as the awkward, less-attractive Hanson (he can pull off anything). I know I’m picking from different seasons, but it’s more fun that way.

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Anyway, I guess Hansuck grew up and now have a couple more albums, but in my mind they will always be the creative masterminds behind MmmmBop. I wonder if they completely resent that song. Maybe, but they probably get to wipe their tears with hundred dollar bills. Ah, to be famous. But come on, next time that song’s on the radio tell me HONESTLY that a tiny little smile doesn’t begin to dance upon your lips.

One more thing: pretend you HAD to marry one of them, which one would you choose? Purely for entertainment value. I know I asked the question, but I almost don’t think I can answer it. I mean, as I said earlier, the oldest one is kind of ugly (though he looks frigging hottt in this picture!), the middle kid (Taylor?) always looked like a girl, and the youngest one… well, in my mind he’ll always be a little boy and that’s just wrong.

All the cool bloggers did this survey, and I’m nothing if not cool. (or a follower, either way, I’m taking the dizzamn survey!)

1. What’s your middle name?:
 It’s Jessup. It’s not actually a girlie middle name. It’s my mom’s last name because she didn’t change her name when she married my dad. (And I’m not changing my name either. Why mess with a good thing?)

2. Is your cell phone a flip phone?:
 No. It’s completely crap-tastic. I don’t hate it anymore, but I did at first. I used to lose my phone on a monthly basis, so I’m not allowed to buy $$ phones. I have to get the cheapest crap they’re peddling.

3. Have you ever been to New Jersey?: Yeah, but not very often. I’ve taken the bus to IKEA, which is both amazing and nightmarish at the same time. Oh, and I went to Rutgers University last weekend to watch my boyfriend give a physics lecture. Good times, lemme tell ya…

4. What’s your favorite soda?: Yes, I have a soda addiction. So what? I drink a lot of Diet Coke, but to make it that much worse for me, I often drink the caffeine free kind—you know, just to make sure I’m really loading up on as many chemicals as possible.

5. Do you have satellite?
: Um, i don’t think so? Do most Manhattanites have that? I think it’s just reg. cable. I feel dumb now.

6. Where did you go to college?:
 It’s called Bard—no, not Barnard. Just Bard. It’s a liberal arts school upstate. An awesome school for anyone who wants to dick around for a bit and then focus on art/film/writing/anthropology or anything with the potential of being REALLY hard to find work in later in life…

7. What’s the longest road trip you’ve been on?
: I’ve been on a few road trips that lasted about a week-10 days a piece. Highlights have included the Grand Canyon, Graceland, the TeePee motel (yes, we actually stayed in a TeePee!), and a replica of the garden of Eden & a log cabin made out of cement (yes, even the log cabin) by an old civil war vet. That was awesome. Oh, and the giant chest of drawers.

8. Did you go to a private school?:
 Yes, and I hated it.

9. What’s your favorite smiley?: Dumb question. Next.


10. Do you buy lottery tickets in hopes of winning?:
 Never. The lottery is such a waste. Who needs to get shot down like that ALL the time?

11. What year were you born in?
 Everyone seems to lie for this question, or somehow skirt the issue. Is that a “creepy internet stalker” avoiding thing? I guess I won’t reveal either. But I was born when everything were a lot cooler.

12. Do you like the smell of Sharpies?:
 Bleh. Revolting. Insta-headache.

13. What does your screensaver look like?:
 Right now it’s that picture I posted a few weeks ago of my cat reading a copy of my book, Back Talk. (and that’s actually my wallpaper. I don’t think I have a screensaver).

14. Do you have an iPod?:
 No. It’s the ghetto version, called an iRiver. I didn’t want to give into the iPod craze.

15. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
: Ugh, there are so many. I hate it when people ask “Are you okay?” when you’re clearly not, but don’t want to talk about it. Oh, and I hate it when people are running late and don’t call to tell you. Hate that. And those baby leashes. Your child is not a dog!

16. What shoe size do you wear?:
 8

17. What’s your favorite kind of cereal?: I know it’s lame, but I like regular old wheat flakes. Sugar cereal makes me feel like a bad person.

18. Do you ever listen to Classical music?:
 I do occasionally, but i don’t, like, go to parties and say “wow, some classical music would really hit the spot right now.”

19. What kind of instruments do you play?: 
 Used to play violin.

20. Do you like Girl Scout cookies?:
 Yum. Esp. those ones with the coconut and caramel and stripey chocolate. Can’t remember what they were called. Samoas or something? Oooh, I really want one now.

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo?: 
I want to say yes, but I think I’m picturing the Prom Limo from all my favorite teen movies. Unless I actually did go to prom with Freddie Prince Jr…

22. Do you like Hummers?: Nooooo! Evil ginormo cars are destroying our environment. We all know that if you have a big car you’re overcompensating for something else. Get over it already & buy a Prius!

24. Are you scared of horses?: 
I was bucked off a horse once and landed between a big rock and a cactus, but no. Not really.

25. Do you like milk chocolate or dark chocolate?: Dark. (but I’ll take what I can get).

26. Do you wear glasses?:
 I’ve got 20/10 vision, biatch!

27. Does it annoy you when people misspell things?:
 Eh, only a little.

28. Do you like the beach or the mountains?:
 Both, I guess. But I’d rather “go” to the beach, and just “look” at the mountains.

29. Have you ever taken cough medicine when you didn’t have a cough?:
 Verrry sneaky Mr. Survey. No, I’m not a recreational Robitussen abuser.

30. Have you ever been to band camp?
: Would that question have made this survey without the obnoxious American Pie franchise? No. (but actually, my sister went to band camp).

31. Do you know any guys with a receding hair line?:
 Sadly, I know several, and have for years. Hellloooo, heard of rogain you losers? just kidding.

32. Do you know what Chacos are?:
 Uh, is it candy? Is it something really relevant and I look like a total idiot for not knowing the answer?

34. Have you ever watched Room Raiders on MTV?:
 Laugh all you want, but I don’t even get MTV. So no. But I love My Super Sweet 16. That show is the bomb.

35. What’s the best Christmas present you’ve ever got?: I was really f*cken stoked the year I got a Nintendo…

36. What’s your favorite Popsicle flavor? Watermelon!!! or Cantaloupe.

37. Did your parents give you an allowance?: They used to. God, I would KILL for some allowance.

38. Did you ever watch Rugrats when you were little? I love cartoons, but Rugrats always seemed too annoying. Jem: now there‘s a worthwhile cartoon! Or Muppet Babies.

39. How many myspace groups have you joined? I don’t know. A couple? Myspace is so overrated.

40. What do you think of standardized tests?:
 Evil.

41. What’s the craziest thing you have ever done?
 Uh, i don’t know! Lot’s of crazy stuff. Danced on tabletops, karaoke… I chopped off the tip of my finger this year on Christmas eve. That shit was CRAZY!

42. Have you ever cheated on a test?:
 Ooooh, um…. Look over there! It’s Christian Bale wearing assless chaps! (phew, got away with that one!)

43. Is tomorrow your birthday?:
 No, but it’s really soon.

44. Have you ever choked on your own spit?: 
Gross! But yes.

45. Do you like roller coasters?: In a masochistic way, yes. I hate them and I have terrible panic attacks while I’m in the little rickety car going up-up-up, but as soon as it’s over, I’m like “woo hoo! let’s do that again!”

46. When was the last time you went roller blading?
 In a past life as a non-clumsy, athletic person.

47. Have you ever wished you had a twin?:
 I practically do. My sister and I look a lot alike.

48. Do you have a caffeine addiction?: No, and I feel like such an outcast for it. I’m like the only person I know who doesn’t need coffee in the morning.

49. Do you get claustrophobic easily?:
 This one time I tried on a satin dress in the sweltering summer heat, and it got stuck over my head. That was a bad day. I also hate big crowds (you’ll NEVER catch me in Times Square on new years ever, and i think anyone who does that is INSANE!!)

50. Would you ever kiss on the first date?:
 Only if the guy paid me.
Totally kidding! Uh, if i liked him, sure. Not that this is even relevant. I’m never going on another first date again! Wow, that sounds kind of weird to say. But it’s a good thing!!

I kept looking at this picture of Mary Kate & Ashley at the Chanel/Lagerfeld show, and thinking to myself, “There’s something off about this…” and I finally figured it out. They’re smiling! I don’t know, but don’t they always just look so damn mopey? Okay, I’m lying—I found plenty of pics of them smiling, but somehow, to me, they still usually look extremely brooding and despondent.

It’s this horrible catch-22 where they’re rich enough to afford all the food in the world, but they’re not allowed to actually, like, eat anything. Must be hard.

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And now there’s talk of them becoming the new Bond Girls? Ugh, no wonder they’re smiling all of a sudden. I’d smile too if I got to make out with Daniel Craig (wait, is he even going to do another bond movie?). But seriously though. The Olsen Twins as the new BGs? That doesn’t sound right. I get that they’re PYT’s (you know: Pretty Young Things), but I still see them as little obnoxious, catch-phrase-wielding Michelle from Full House. James Bond isn’t supposed to have kinky sex with little girls who spent years making movies called The Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley. I’ve never watched one of those movies, but I must admit being intrigued by The Case of the Hotel Who-Done-It. Sounds intense!
Anyway, it’s just hard for me to picture them as Bond Girls. It doesn’t seem fair. Why can’t I be a bond girl?

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And speaking of Bond girls, what’s your opinion on the last BG, Eva Green? I thought she looked like a duck, but everyone else was like “No, are you kidding! She’s frigging beautiful!” Maybe I’m just crazy, or insane with jealousy!!

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Sorry for the mega-short post. They’re all gonna be short for a while, cuz the countdown is at t=-19 days till the wedding.

But let me just say this: If you don’t already have the new Peter, Bjorn & John album, I highly suggest getting it, because it’s f*cking amazing.

My sister just sent me a link to this article, and I almost died laughing:
NYPD Re-Introduces Segway Patrols On City Parks, Beaches

Apparently they used to have Segways, but took them out of rotation in 2004 because the officers could be “in danger” when the Segway’s batteries ran low. GASP! I wonder what happens when you’re on a Segway and the battery dies? No, no, it’s too horrible to imagine. But seriously: cops on Segways? This picture is all I can think of when I hear that. A million Gob’s on segways in police uniforms zooming around central park.

Can we just stop for a minute and picture how AWESOME that is going to look?

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In other news, my beloved Veronica Mars was canceled. I know I’m the only one who cares, but still, I had to report it. The lineup for the Crap-W this fall is going to be like a crazy circus. According to cnn.com there’s:

Gossip Girl, based on Cecily Von Zeigesar’s mondo-popular YA series (god, I want to have her life SO BAD!!) about bitchy private school teens in NYC. Oh, and I think Josh Schwartz (of the OC fame) is head writer.

Aliens in America: About a high school student trying to adjust to the new Pakistani exchange student. (sounds cheesy, but maybe I’m being too un-Patriotic.)

Life is Wild: A drama about a New York City family spending a year at a game reserve in South Africa. (OK, lets take bets on how fast that ones gonna get cancelled. Two episodes? Five?

Reaper: 21-year-old guy’s parents sold his soul to the devil and he’s assigned to track down evil escapees from hell. (Wait–isn’t Supernatural already a CW show?)

I have such a love/hate relationship with TV. There are so few shows I like… and I have a feeling the CW will not be reeling me in this fall.

But a quick shout out to Jaslene on ANTM. Okay, I cannot lie: I was routing for Nata, but it’s cool. JasQueen is going to do great things for the tranny community.

Okay peeps, I have a new Poll Topic (of sorts):

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Don’t laugh, but I was watching All My Children the other day, and they are all just SO freaking crazy! I started thinking, “What would happen if I were transplanted into their little Soap Opera-land?” I don’t think I would make any friends. They’re all so friggin’ catty and self-absorbed. Plus I don’t know any bigamists, I don’t spend 1/2 my day praying to god that so-and-so will get out of a coma, and I only have 1 father (so boh-ring). And they wear tacky clothes. And they have stupid names like Patch, and Babe.
But I digress…

So, here’s the question: What show would you most like to be a character on & do you think you’d fit in?
…Because, I would have loved to be on 90210, but again, I don’t have a crazy drug addiction, or 3 convertibles, or an illegitimate child. Damn it all to hell!
I think I’d probably choose Ugly Betty—cuz I know tons of leggy transgendered she/males & illegal Mexican immigrants. Oh, wait, hold on. That’s totally not true either. BUT, they get to be catty and fabu all the time, and wear trendy cute clothes (except Betty, of course.) And they have a fun fashiony job. Yeah. That would rock.

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Or maybe 30 Rock, because although I haven’t ever actually seen it, I used to work for a TV show in 30 Rock, so I bet I already know the ropes and stuff. Wait, did that get canceled because Alec Baldwin yells at his kid (like 1/2 the friggin’ parents in the world…)

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Oh, wait, wait, wait! I have it: Will & Grace. I would have made an EXCELLENT Karen’s sister. Yes, I think that’s my final decision.

Or a contestant on ANTM. I’m kidding.

OKay, so now it’s your turn. Again, the Q is: What show do you want to be on & would you fit in?

ps-Did anyone get their copy of see the last US Weekly? The picture of Ricki kind of freaks me out. It’s awesome and everything that she lost weight, but she is sucking in her tummy like a mo’fo. Seriously, she looks like she’s going to start hyperventilating. Scary. Am I being too mean?

pps-Special thanks to Marley at the YA Writers Blog. She held a contest to name and describe a cute guy for her new book, Rush – A Sisterhood Novel, and I won! God, how freaking amazing am I? wait–don’t answer that.
Here’s the description I gave:

“Piercing blue eyes. A choppy, rocker ‘do. He always carries drumsticks in the back pocket of his skinny jeans and taps them in the air when he’s bored, kind of a cute, A.D.D. quirk. And I’d call him Zach Daniels. Or Tug McCloud. Or Vaughn.”

1) My mom. Happy mother’s day!

2)UGLIES by Scott Westerfeld. It’s sort of YA Sci-Fi about a bizarre futuristic utopia in which everyone has an operation at 16 to become beautiful. Sounds great… or does it? muah-hah-hah!!! And it’s a total cliffhanger so you’ll want to immediately go out and read the 2 sequels: PRETTIES and SPECIALS.

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3) YouTube. What did we do before YouTube? I know Alanis Morrisette’s My Humps video is old news, but I still watch it every once in a while. It’s just SO damn funny. And my friend just showed me Brokeback To The Future last night, which is also freaking hilarious if you haven’t seen it.

4) Green is the new Black. Everyone is on the eco-friendly vibe, and I’m lovin’ it!!

5) Andy and I saw Hot Fuzz this weekend, and it was hilarious! (ok, it got a bit slow from time to time, but over all it was friggin’ hy-larious.)

Okay, the amazing and talented Jenn over at Stiletto Heights tagged me and I must now reveal 7 things about myself… Hmmm. Do I go the really personal route and talk about my screwed up childhood, or just completely trivialize the whole thing and list 7 quirky lighthearted fun-facts. Hmmm, tough call.

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1) When I was little I would invite my friends over for Miss America pageants. One year I was Miss Virginia, but I can’t remember what my talent was. The next year I was Miss New York, and for my talent I sang “Small World” from Gypsy. And I WON the pageant! It was kind of tacky that the hostess won the competition, but the other talents were somewhat lacking (My friend Lexi twirled a baton to a Beach Boys song; Shannon danced with a life-size stuffed bear to an A-Ha song; and the piéce de resistance: Dana tripped over a soccer ball. I’m not kidding. She pulled a soccer ball out of her robe, put it on the ground, and tripped over it. We didn’t have high standards for talent back then).

2) Sort of related to #1: I used to be a singer—but I threw it all away! (sigh). I was way too shy, so I kind of gave it up. But I was pretty good for a while. (Oops, do I sound totally conceited right now?)

3) I love cabbage. No joke. I buy the pre-shredded cole slaw from the grocery store ALL THE TIME. That stuff is da bomb. It’s low-cal, cheap, very healthy, and it works with almost anything (chicken salad, stir-fry, even on panini sandwiches…)

4) I usually hate video games—why do they have to be so repetitive and boring? Not to mention the crazy arthritis after a hardcore ass-kicking—but I love Dr. Mario on old-skool NES. And I’m reeeeaally good. You have to kill these ugly little germs with big, Valley Of The Dolls-style pills. It’s so much fun.

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5) I can wiggle my ear—and by “ear” i mean just the ONE ear. Not both. For some reason I’ve trained my right ear, but my left is just a mutant, catatonic lamo. Anyway… it’s kind of an awesome party trick. I’m very talented.

6) I love Beverly Hills 90210. It was never as good once the gang graduated from high school (and why did they drag it out soooo long?) but I still love it. I can’t help watching the reruns on Soap Network when I’m at my sister’s house (she has crazy extended cable).

I always thought of myself as a Brenda, but Kelly was pretty cool too. And in the Dylan vs. Brandon debate? Dylan. Definitely.

7) My mom is also a writer. She wrote several captivating novels, but her first, Bare Essence, was turned into a mini-series in 1982—isn’t that incredible? Bare Essence was about the perfume industry, and starred Laura from General Hospital, among other 80′s blockbuster power-houses. I would kill to have BACK TALK made into a movie! No seriously, I’d kill. Just tell me who….

Anyway, I don’t really want to tag anyone else, but I’ll leave you with my heartthrob of the day:

Paul Rudd.

He was on Veronica Mars last night, which suddenly reminded me how fabulous and adorable he is. The actual episode of VM was so-so, but Paul Rudd is dreamy! For anyone who hasn’t seen Wet Hot American Summer—RUN to the video store immediately. The barbecue sauce scene gets me every time. Not to mention Anchor Man, BASH (on Broadway), and he’s the cutie from Clueless…

In my mind, Paul Rudd can do no wrong!!!!!

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PS-exactly 1 month till my wedding! Holy schnikes.

Me gusta Cinco de Mayo! Any excuse to throw a party. I make a mean guacamole, and my sister invented the most ASS KICKING potato salad ever. It’s muy caliente, and I’ve included the recipe at the bottom of this post.

Anyway, being from New Mexico, I love any excuse to cook Mexican food and get out the blender for margaritas. And in case any of you are interested, here is wiki’s explanation of said holiday. Apparently it’s not Mexico’s Independence Day—it’s just the day they kicked France’s ass at the Battle of Puebla. Que interesante!

I wish I could post pictures, but things got a little blurry after the Tequila started flowing, and I completely forgot to document the event. Probably just as well. Who needs pictures of a bunch of drunk assholes eating salsa? So I scoured the internet for a good pic to represent Cinco de Mayo, and check out this totally bizarre one:Kind of creepy, no? I guess these guys are doing a reenactment of the battle. Have fun guys, good luck with the machetes, I guess…

But then I found this picture. Muuuuuch better. I mean, who doesn’t like a picture of a drunk pug wearing a sombrero? Am I right, or am I right? Endless entertainment.

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Anyway, it was a great party. I put the new Arcade Fire, Amy Winehouse, The Breeders (everyone should own Last Splash), Blondie, The Shins, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Regina Spektor & much more on heavy rotation, and voila! Part-eeeee!

Oh, and the next day there was a street fair on Broadway! I LOVE me some street fair, lemme tell ya. Somehow I managed to stay away from the funnel cake, which I’m glad about in hindsight, but at the time it took tremendous will power.

I spent the rest of the day looking at fabulous spring dresses online at Shopbop & Active Endeavors & Net-a-por-take-my-money… But help me out here. On what planet is this yellow and green thing a dress? I don’t even think it covers her butt! Maybe I sound like a crotchety old maid for saying that, but dizzamn girl! You would not catch me in a “dress” like that. Besides, it’s kinda fugs.

And the grey dress I just can’t decide about. Is it cute, or does the ruffley top bit look like a bib (in a Renaissance kind of way)? Not like I’m going to buy it, but I’m starting to think about getting a new dress for the rehearsal dinner.

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Okay, here’s the recipe I promised for India’s now-famous Chipotle Potato Salad:

1 bag each of small red and white potatoes (about 15 of each) – boiled and quartered
1 bunch scallions – chopped
1/2 a bunch of cilantro – coarsely chopped
4 chipotle peppers + a couple of teaspoons of adobo sauce from can
1 cup nonfat plain yogurt (I used Total, the Greek yogurt as it’s a bit thicker)
1/2 cup light sour cream
1/4 – 1/2 cup light mayo
salt and pepper to taste

Boil potatoes until soft, drain water and let cool.

In food processor puree chipotle peppers and adobo sauce, cilantro, yogurt, salt and pepper.

Slice potatoes into quarters (or bite-sized pieces) and place in bowl. Add chopped scallions. Add pureed chipotle mixture, sour cream and mayo and stir the whole thing up – more salt and pepper to taste.

Can be made a day ahead. Let sit at room temp for at least a half hour before serving. Potatoes tend to absorb the mixture so if it seems dry add a couple of tablespoons of yogurt, sour cream or mayo (or some combo of the three).

ADDENDUM: INDIA FORGOT TO MENTION 2 ITEMS. A HANDFUL OF GREEN BEANS AND SOME CUMIN.

Grab a margarita and enjoy!

I LOVE that expression. It just kicks ass. They should turn “Poor Man’s (blank)” into a drinking game or something because I get infinite amusement from cruel celebrity comparisons.

Personally, I think I’m the poor man’s Wonder Woman. No, I don’t have a Truth Lasso or solid gold cuff bracelets (damn, I wish I had those bracelets!), but I’ve got the whole blue eyes/brown hair thing going on—oh, and I wear an American flag strapless bathing suit. Hah! Totally kidding!

Anyway, what better way to pass the time on a Friday afternoon than to compile a scathing list of Poor Man comparisons? Add your favorites! Make me laugh!!

Jessica is the poor man’s Ashlee. My, how times have changed. Guess you shouldn’t have tried the high waisted jeans, eh Jess! You’re killing your image!! It’s a sad day when your little, cosmetically altered “shadow” is classier than you. Ouch.

Mandy Moore… well, Mandy Moore kind of already is the poor man’s Mandy Moore, so I’ll just give her a condescending thumbs-up and move along…

Ellen Pompeo is the poor man’s Renee Zellwegger (squinty eyed sisters unite!)

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Zach Braff is the poor man’s Ray Romano (Okay, that one I saw online and I totally disagree. George Lopez is the poor man’s Ray Romano, and Ray Romano is the poor man’s Seinfeld, if you ask me.)

Lauren Conrad is the poor man’s Christine Taylor. Seriously, I can barely tell them apart. Except I imagine Christine Taylor is a lot freakin’ cooler since she’s married to Derek Zoolander and doesn’t have a sex tape. Probably.

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Evan Rachel Wood is crazy the poor man’s Scarlett Johanssen.

K. Fed is the poor man’s Justin Timberlake. Now, that’s just sad for both of them.

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Pete Wentz is the poor man’s Anthony Keidis (or a Maybeline eye liner model, take your pick).

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Those dippy Disney Channel boys, Dylan and Cole Sprouse, are the poor man’s Olsen Twins (only they’ve veered far far away from the emaciated, heroin chic look).

And finally, for my last Poor Man of the day… Fergalicious!

Fergie is the poor man’s crazy crack whore junkie.

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My publisher just sent the galleys for BACK TALK. (fyi: galleys are just an uncorrected, bound copy of the book for editing). Here is a picture of my muy gorgiouso kitten, Penny, avidly reading it for the first time. She loves it! Anyway, I was so freaking ecstatic when I got it. That means my book is really and truly going to be published! Holy shit! I haven’t taken it out of my bag since I got it—you know, just in case I run into someone I know on the street, I can whip out this copy to show them! It’s awesome. It’s even got my headshot on the back! Some think it’s a very unflattering picture, but it’s too late to change, so I’m trying to rise above it. You can judge for yourselves when you (i hope) buy a copy in July!!

Anyway. I’m totally psyched. In other news (now, this is really big, folks, so hold tight). I’m going to the Columbia Physics department BBQ this afternoon. I know, I know. “AWESOME.” That’s what you get for marrying I dork, I guess. So, what does one wear to a physics BBQ? Something slutty to make all the uber nerds drool? Actually, it’s a little too cold for something slutty, so I’ll probably just rock some skinny jeans and a T-shirt—gotta show off my newly buffed/rehydrated spa-body!

Speaking of jeans, can I take a vote? How many of you plan on rockin’ the high waisted jeans? I love fashion, but I think the new trend of high waisted jeans is a cruel, cruel joke. Did all the designers go out for drinks one night and ask “What can we do to make the skinny girls look fat, and the voluptuous girls look even fatter?” And after a few tequila shots, Stella McCartney et al said “I know! Mom jeans!” Very few women can get away with this look, but more power to ya, ladies! I’ll just be over here in the corner in my “muffin top”/”shovel butt” jeans. I don’t know why I’m so against it. Mom jeans are probably really really comfortable.

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On a side note, when I was googling images of high waisted jeans, I found this picture of Kelly Kapowski. Who here remembers Saved By The Bell? God, I used to love that show. Especially the episode where Jessie got addicted to caffiene pills and had a breakdown, singing “I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so… scared!” Genius.

PS–Veronica Mars last night was awesome. Not “season 1″ worthy, but funny and sly nonetheless. And VM’s just so damn cute, I can’t help loving her!

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